Recently I've been doubting myself a lot. I've been having a lot of negative thoughts that range from how smart I am to how likable I am and its really been casting a dark cloud over me.
I've been doubting my ability to succeed in school a little bit, which I'm trying to get over so that I WILL succeed in school and I've also been doubting how successful I'll be in life after college. It's scary to think that in a few short months I'll basically be thrown out into the real world and I don't know what I'll be doing yet.
School is hard for me. Thats never really been a huge secret to anyone around me. I often have to try VERY hard to keep my grades up. I'm not one of these people who can just memorize things and be good to go for a test. Its really frustrating and the build up of doubt about myself has been consuming my daily life.
I am also a person who hates asking for help. I'm pretty independent when it comes to most things and I don't like it when people pity me if we're being perfectly honest. When I moved to Arkansas I moved away from my parents and brother leaving me to learn that its okay to ask for help. I love talking to my mom. Actually today we talked on the phone and she was telling me how she had been sick all week and just by me calling her, it already had lifted her spirits. I've learned that talking to her or my dad is a good way to make myself feel better.
Some things I've learned over the years when I realize that I'm doubting myself are to think about your happy place or a happy memory, just take a breather and relax, pamper yourself a little bit, and lastly, eat something that makes you happy. These past few days I have been surrounding myself with all my closest friends, trying to relax, and I've been reminiscing over my Italy trip.
This is an EXTREMELY vulnerable post for me to write, but I just wanted everyone to know that sometimes I'm not okay and right now is one of those times. Sometimes, it is okay to not be put together. Since I suggested thinking about a happy place/happy time, here are some pictures of some of mine.
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