Reality Check...

Recently so many people have asked me about college and what I want to do with my life when I'm older. It used to sooth me just talking about college and planning my life out, but now it scares me. As much as I want to leave, I don't. I don't want to leave my home, my room, my parents, my dog and my brother. 

I feel like being asked about College makes me an adult and I don't think I'm ready for that task yet. I know my answer for college is simple, Oklahoma State, but when asked for a back-up I don't really know. I had a dream the other night that Lee was still open and I went back to visit old teachers. I went and saw Ms. E and Mrs. Williams. I saw Ms. Robinson and Mrs. Duffy. I thought about nap time and got to sit on the star student bean bag chair. I went into the art room and mixed colors on the tables. Time has flown by so quickly. I think about East all the time. I want to go to Taylor's garden and just sit there and think. I miss how care-free and easy things were for me. 

I want to be the person that everyone knew and loved. I want to be the person who would sing and draw even though she knew she couldn't. I want to be the person that everyone looked up to. I want to be the pereson who didn't have a confused/depressing life. I want to be the person who made all A's in her classes. I want to be that middle school girl

Sitting here thinking about the group of friends that I have gone through, the ones who were amazing and the ones who weren't right for me, I realize that my family, friends and especially God have been so good to me. Everyone who has come into my life was perfect for me at the time. I realize that he saves the best for last and for first. I have Nan, Han, Megz, Jill, Alexa, Emily and so many more. He has given me the opportuinty to express myself through EMAC, newspaper, Lariettes and soccer.

After writing this post, I realized that I can't wait for college and I can't wait for the new friendships and the new memories I will make, but I also can't wait to return home to parents with open arms and friends who I've missed. Growing up seems scary and reliving the past is peaceful, but in the end the future is near and what is supposed to happen, will.